Sample Life Coaching Session

To understand the flow of a coaching session and to understand how to work with a client during a coaching session, use this sample life coaching session as your reference. Additionally, through this post, learn how to question a client as a coach, become aware of the impact of questioning on a client, and notice how questioning makes a client tap into their own resources to find answers for themselves.

To note: This post will not make you an expert in coaching, or teach you how to become a top Life coach. For that, please consider attending a Life coach training program.

Sample Life Coaching Session

Scenario: John Doe, who works in an organization as a senior manager, has a heated argument with his client. John is now worried that the client will report this matter to his (John’s) boss. If that happens, John is thinking that his career will be impacted. So, John hires a Life Coach to work with, and discuss this situation.

Coach: Hi John, good morning. How are you doing today?

John Doe: Hey, good morning. I am well. How are you doing?

Coach: I am good, thanks for asking.

John, before we start, let me reiterate that I will be working with you in the capacity of a Coach. As a coach, I will facilitate this session, and I will work within the agreed-upon coaching scope (shared earlier with you as part of your coaching agreement), which also specifies the do’s and don’ts of coaching, and my boundary as a coach. In summary, I will not provide you with any solutions during our session; I will not guide you, nor provide any advice. I will be using Coaching tools and techniques to help you work toward your own outcomes, by tapping into your own internal resources. The session will be confidential, and whatever gets discussed will stay between us.

I will be recording this session, as I will be sharing this with the XYZ accreditation body for their review. May I have your permission for that? Your identity and that of your client will not be disclosed. The recording will only be used for evaluation purposes.

John Doe: Sure, I fully understand your boundary as a coach. And yes, you have my consent to record and share this with XYZ.

Coach: Thanks John, are you ready to begin?

John Doe: Yes, let’s get started.

Coach: What would you like to get coached on today?

John Doe: I got into an argument with my client last week, and I am now worried that this will impact the upcoming project which we are hoping to get from the company he works for. I am also worried that the argument may impact my yearly appraisal and future growth in the organization that I am working in.

Coach: Okay, what else?

John Doe: I want to understand how best I can manage this situation. And in general, create a good rapport with this client, as well as with other clients I interact with.

Coach: Sure, we can work on that. What is the result you are looking at from this session?

John Doe: I am experiencing anxiety as a result of the argument, and hence I am unable to focus on my work. This has impacted my daily performance. So what I am looking at, are ways to get out of this situation, feel relaxed, and manage my state of mind. I also want to work on my overall customer relationship management skills.

Coach: Why is this important to you?

John Doe: Well, in my line of work it is important to manage my relationship with this client because he is part of an influential company that provides consistent business opportunities. Said company has also been loyal to the company I work for, for a long time. Personally, if there is negative feedback from this client, it will definitely have an impact on my performance appraisal.

I was recently promoted to a senior client-facing role where I am required to manage clients. And, most of my work will be based on the rapport that I will create with these clients. This is hence very important in the overall context of my work.

Coach: Ok, I understand. Now, what are your success criteria specific to this session? And, how will you come to know that this session has been useful?

John Doe: I expect to have a plan of action that I can work upon (with this client) and manage the situation, by the end of our session. I would also like this to be a plan that I can use to build my client relationship skills. I will then consider our session is a success.

Coach: Okay. You earlier mentioned about negative feedback from your client. How do you know that your client will give negative feedback?

John Doe: I had this discussion with my client (let’s call him Mr. X) last week and we did not come to an agreement on the topic of discussion. I provided Mr. X with all the data points, from my point of view… but it just did not go down well with him.

To give you a background story; our company has been working with the company Mr. X’s works for, for almost a decade. Mr. X recently joined the onsite (In US) project team, and takes care of the overall delivery. So far, we had a successful offshore model for this company, where work from project sites in the US and Europe were delivered from India. Using the offshore (project delivery site in India) model, we brought a lot of value to this company, which in turn worked for us in terms of a cost advantage (to them as well as us, really). But now, Mr. X is insisting that for this new project, there should be a 40-percentage onsite team. And this is where the challenge lies.

I have tried to convince Mr. X that his suggestion will not work in the long term, and I have also shared all related data points. Despite that, Mr. X has come back aggressively and is not ready to patiently listen to my point of view. I think he is not happy with me.

Coach: Okay. How do you know that not coming to an agreement means that your client is not happy or that he is going to give negative feedback about you? How do those things relate?

John Doe: That’s normal human behavior; that’s how things work.

Coach: According to whom is it, “normal human behavior”.

John Doe: That is how I react, and everyone I know pretty much reacts in the same way.

Coach: Everyone? Or there are exceptions?

John Doe: Well, perhaps not everyone but definitely a lot of them.

Coach: Okay. Bring to mind people you think would act differently in such a situation?

John Doe: Since you are insisting… I can think of a few names, but the best example would be the manager at my previous organization with whom I shared a good rapport. Everyone at work thought he was aggressive, that he was a “either my way or the highway” kind of guy. Hence, most of them were not comfortable discussing the progress of projects with him, which meant that I was always asked to share progress reports or ideas during team meetings. I understood him well, and could gauge his mood, so we mostly had a constructive discussion.

I also vividly remember a client stakeholder in my previous organization who was also like my manager. People were uncomfortable around him, but I got along with him very well. We would have heated discussions on work-related aspects, but we would eventually make peace and agree to disagree on things, and then settle with points based on what was best for the project.

Coach: Now, how sure are you with your thought that your client is unhappy and is going to report said incident to your management?

John Doe: Well if you ask me to think about it now, I am not so sure… But if he is, then I am definitely going to be impacted.

Coach: What else?

John Doe: As far as I know, Mr. X is quite influential in his company, and shares a good rapport with my management. He has worked with our CEO for close to a decade, and he has a lot of clout in the industry as well. So, if he were to say anything negative about me, my boss in all probability will be apprehensive about giving me new projects to work on, and this will negatively impact my professional growth. I may even not be given an opportunity to relate my version of the story and be heard.

Coach: Alright. But what makes you think that you will not be given the opportunity to share your version of the story?

John Doe: That is what has always happened to me and my colleagues. In the software industry, the “customer is king and is never wrong” ~ that is where the challenge lies. The situation could worsen because my leadership team shares a good rapport with Mr. X, and a lot is expected of me by my management.

Coach: Has this always been the case with you and your colleagues, where you were not heard?

John Doe: I am sure there are exceptions, but I believe that upper management functions like that, where your point of view does not interest them.

Coach: Can you recall any incidents where this did not happen, and the outcome was different?

John Doe: Now that I think about it, I realize that I have been lucky a few times, especially in regard to this one incident where I had an argument with my client and rather than giving me a hard time, my management provided me with an opportunity to travel onsite.

Coach: Can you recall what you did differently in that situation compared to the present one?

John Doe: About 7 years ago I was given an opportunity to lead a team; this was my first project as a team lead. I was not part of the so-called “managers community”, and hence was not aware of how things needed to be presented to a client. This client wanted a feature to be delivered within two weeks and was really pushing hard.

As I had moved on from a development role to a lead role, I understood the difficulties the developers would face if I agreed to change the scope of work. I was also acutely aware that the final quality would be impacted, which would reflect badly on my team’s capability. I remember being calm and managing my state of mind while I was presenting the facts to my client. I did not put too much pressure on myself and didn’t feel aggravated when the client was pushing back.

I discussed the situation with my immediate boss sharing my point of view and showcasing the long-term benefits. He in turn discussed the same at his level with the client management team. At the end of it all, the client was happy with our point of view, and appreciated the fact that we had turned down his suggestion. It was after this that I was sent onsite for a short-term assignment. It involved an in-depth assessment of the entire IT infrastructure and processes so that we could create a future strategy for our client. That project actually helped me tremendously in my career, and I was promoted the following year based on the same client’s feedback.

Coach: That’s good to hear. What makes you believe that your strategy will not work now?

John Doe: I am not denying that the strategy will not work again, but I do think that luck does not always favor you. And, my present role is quite senior when compared to my previous role, so the damage will be greater if things do not go well.

Coach: What else?

John Doe: I can understand why Mr. X does not want to go in for a complete offshore model, because being in the same time zone provides a lot of advantages. But I also believe that in the last 10 years we have mastered the art of how to get most out of an offshore model. I am sure that my proposed plan may have short term teething issues for Mr. X, but it will work in the long term while also being a win-win for both companies. So, if Mr. X does not get my point, both companies will face financial losses in the long term. I do believe Mr. X will not agree to my proposal, as he is looking at short-term gains.

Coach: What makes you believe that Mr. X will not agree, and that he is looking at a short-term gain?

John Doe: Well, if Mr. X was inclined to agree, he would not have pushed his point further. He kept grilling me, and asked in great detail about every minor thing!

Coach: How exactly was he grilling you?

John Doe: I mean he was just asking so many questions for every point… all of which I had already discussed with him.

Coach: How do you know that asking a lot of questions translates to disagreeing with your point of view, or him being unhappy?

John Doe: Well, perhaps not. I guess Mr. X was just cross-checking the possibility… You may even be right; he may have been ensuring not to leave any stone unturned, and checking/validating all scenarios. And perhaps even ensuring I had thought through things before coming to him. Else he would have outright rejected my idea and not wasted so much of his time discussing this with me.

Coach: John, let’s consider this: If you were in your client’s position, what you would have done?

John Doe: I honestly never thought about this from Mr. X’s perspective, and what he may have been going through… I was too busy in my own world, and with my own scenarios.

Since Mr. X is new to the organization, he is not aware of the challenges we have faced in the past, and how we have overcome those challenges. So, if I was in Mr. X’s position, I too would have tried to understand all the aspects. I too would have liked the other person to understand my point of view.

Mr. X might also be slightly overcautious with decisions as he is new… I guess I was preoccupied with getting the deal signed, since that would mean that my sales numbers and operational efficiency would look impressive. It looks like I have been thinking a bit negatively, and not taking into consideration Mr. X’s position.

Coach: With this new understanding and this new frame of mind, what will you do to understand Mr. X’s point of view? And, how will you proceed further?

John Doe: I will need to think things through once more… I can start by writing an email to Mr. X summarizing our discussion, while bringing in some past case studies, and providing him with industry benchmarks. This will show him the long-term benefits of my proposed plan. I can then check if he has any open questions.

Additionally, I will re-look into the points he brought up. It’s possible that due to my mindset I may have overlooked a few valid points. I could redo the calculation by incorporating those points, and see how it turns out. In all probability, I have not understood the value of having more experts on-site, and the operational efficiency they can bring in. Face to face discussions due to onsite team presence will bring in operational efficiency, better rapport with client teams, and this enables me to reduce the headcount (of senior members) offshore, and that may sort out the project’s profitability.

Coach: Good. Now, how will you take this up with your manager?

John Doe: I think I would prefer to have an open discussion with him. I could request for his advice on how to go about things, considering he has been an expert Transition Manager in his tech career. His expertise in automation and his inputs will be very useful. Also, since he has already worked with Mr. X, I can request him to join me in a few conference calls. This will help me build rapport with Mr. X faster, and find ways to be more collaborative and patient when interacting with him.

Coach: That’s great! So, what is surfacing for you now?

John Doe: Well, I feel much better and a lot more relaxed. I now have options and a rough plan to work upon.

Coach: Wonderful. Coming back to your question of handling clients better; what exactly do you want to improve on?

John Doe: I have been in a technical role for most of my career, and even in the role of a manager I have mostly dealt with technical teams. Hence, my interaction with clients has mostly been technical in nature.

I am presently in a pre-sales role, where I believe things must be made up in order to obtain contracts; i.e. false commitments have to be made to get work. And, I am not comfortable with making false commitments. I am an upfront person, and would prefer to share facts. I guess, on introspection, being upfront might not be a good strategy for me.

Coach: What makes you believe that in your new role you have to make up facts or make false commitments to get work?

John Doe: Clients usually have limited knowledge on the software side of things, so they expect a lot, but limit us with regard to both time and money. Additionally, competition is high – which means that if we lose the project, there will always be another company willing to take it up.

We share facts with existing clients sometimes because of the existing goodwill. But with new clients, it’s more important to onboard. Isn’t sales all about this?

Coach: Well, sales is a subjective experience for each person. What is true for you?

John Doe: Though not stone quoted, this is what people say. I also have personal experience, and as a developer, I have faced the consequences of wrong commitment from my sales team many times.

Coach: Can you be more specific?

John Doe: To close the deal, sales personnel will always say yes to whatever clients ask for, as they are just focused on their incentive. But when it comes to the ground reality (when actual client delivery has to happen), the delivery team has to slog for long hours to fulfill those promises. On top of that, if there was a false commitment made on some scope of work, then one can expect the client to come down heavily on the delivery team to deliver! Otherwise, things are escalated to the management. This was a consistent battle I had to fight in my tech roles earlier.

Coach: Is that always the case?

John Doe: Well, not always.

Coach: What was different when this was not the case?

John Doe: If inputs from the tech team were taken during discussions with clients, then I found the clients became more comfortable, as they got to hear directly from the delivery team. Additionally, the delivery team made more realistic assessments and ensured that realistic budgets, staffing, etc were being proposed. This actually helped the salesperson not to assume things (i.e. make a false commitment).

Actually, it is a case of ignorance on the part of the sales personnel that appears to come across as false commitment. Now that I am thinking about it, what seemed to be a false commitment from the sales team was actually their inability to make a proper assessment. This is such a revelation!

As a techie, I used to find sales personnel to be a nuisance! But being in a similar role helps me understand the pressure to close deals, maintain rapport with clients, get assessments right, and ensure delivery teams agree to the scope of work without raising an alarm. Gosh, I am so glad that I have the right technical background to manage this!

Coach: What else?

John Doe: I now understand that one does not have to have a hard time working in sales, if they have the right skill, engage the right team at the right time, and share facts clearly. And if there is a point that needs further discussion, just bringing them up for discussion with the client will help tremendously. Realistic commitment goes a long way in maintaining client relationships and building trust.

Coach: What else is clear to you?

John Doe: I suppose I forget the basic concept. But it is all very clear and evident now.

During our discussion, I have also realized that my technical background, being upfront with clients, and sharing accurate facts are my strengths. So, that is what I will focus on going forward.

Coach: Now, how else would you want to build on your client management skills?

John Doe: I think I need to be a better listener, focus on improving my mental/emotional state management skills, allow myself more time in a conversation to hear out the other person’s perspective, and not stay in my own head while communicating with others.

I could also look at improving my presentation skills to enhance my communication further. I need to work on developing my social awareness, and work toward creating a repertoire of questions as conversation starters to help build rapport, before attending a sales or technical meeting.

Coach: What will be your next step toward improving these skills?

John Doe: These days it’s not a big challenge to learn, thanks to so many online forums. I can look for a good online course to enhance my communication skills, and to improve my skills to influence and to persuade.

I know of a few people who have good persuasion skills; I will take their help and use their tips to improve my skills.

Coach: What are the timelines you are going to put in place to accomplish this?

John Doe: I will finalize the online courses I want to take in a week’s time. I’m aware that there are a few free courses available in our company’s learning portal, which I can start working on from tomorrow. I can then connect with mentors next week.

Coach: Whom will you be accountable for your progress?

John Doe: I will be taking the help of a friend at my workplace. I can additionally put down these goals as a development area in my yearly appraisal tracker. This way, I will have more accountability to improve and focus on my goals.

Coach: Is there anything else you would like to talk about in today’s session?

John Doe: I am good for now, thank you.

I am actually feeling much better, more relaxed, and have a clear plan of action on how to go about all of the things that we have discussed today!

Coach: You are welcome, John. Have a great day!

Feel free to drop me an email to schedule our next session.

This is an indicative sample life coaching session to give you an idea how the flow of coaching questions takes place.  To learn more about coaching feel free to visit ICF approved coach training in India page, and go through the requirements.  In a Life Coach training program you will learn different Coaching techniques, including GROW Model for Coaching, which is a basic Coaching model.

Also, read what is your benchmark for success to build clarity around coaching.